1 00:00:00,601 --> 00:00:02,469 [ringtone chiming] 2 00:00:02,501 --> 00:00:04,137 - Hey. - Hi! 3 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:05,739 - Hi. - [laughing] 4 00:00:05,772 --> 00:00:07,541 Come here. Come to Portland. 5 00:00:07,573 --> 00:00:08,675 I'll be there next weekend. 6 00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:09,743 I can't wait to just have, 7 00:00:09,775 --> 00:00:11,612 like, my hands all over you. 8 00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:13,513 I don't want to get ahead of ourselves, 9 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,382 but I do want to figure out the details 10 00:00:15,414 --> 00:00:16,516 for my cousin's wedding. 11 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,185 Ren?e. When is the wedding? 12 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:20,320 It's October 13th. 13 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:22,589 I'm in London until the 12th. 14 00:00:22,621 --> 00:00:26,092 Is this crazy if I-- if I met you in London? 15 00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:28,195 - Come to London. - Right? 16 00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:30,130 That'll be our date. October... 17 00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:31,497 I so want to kiss you right now. 18 00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:33,199 You look so hot, by the way. 19 00:00:33,232 --> 00:00:35,835 13th, but the flight is on the 12th. 20 00:00:35,868 --> 00:00:38,439 Can we start a shared Google calendar 21 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,507 if we're gonna start figuring out all this other stuff? 22 00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:41,841 - Yeah. - Sam, hold on. I-- 23 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,310 The delivery guy's here. 24 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:46,180 I'll be right back. 25 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,780 I'm looking at pictures of you. 26 00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,484 [mouse clicking] 27 00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,419 [plastic rustling] 28 00:00:52,451 --> 00:00:54,620 - Hi, I'm so sorry. - Hey, we're doing Christmas 29 00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,490 - this year, right? - Yeah. 30 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,192 But what about the next Christmas? 31 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,692 I thought my dad's again. 32 00:00:59,725 --> 00:01:01,427 It's just-- it-- the-- it's unfair, 33 00:01:01,460 --> 00:01:03,296 'cause, like, why don't we alternate? 34 00:01:03,329 --> 00:01:05,531 I don't know how many Christmases my dad has left. 35 00:01:05,564 --> 00:01:07,334 I'm just trying to add in an "end date." 36 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:08,802 To my dad? 37 00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:10,436 Uh, can we make this agreement, then? 38 00:01:10,469 --> 00:01:12,371 Okay, all these Christmases-- 39 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:13,739 You know what? Why don't I put in the calendar-- 40 00:01:13,772 --> 00:01:16,442 oh, here-- "My dad dies," 41 00:01:16,475 --> 00:01:18,344 and then you can just look at that in the calendar, 42 00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:21,481 and then we can plan everything around your family after that. 43 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:22,516 How about-- Can we do this? 44 00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,418 You put in when my dad dies. 45 00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:26,185 New Year's Eve, we'll be here, then, okay? 46 00:01:26,218 --> 00:01:28,488 Forget Christmas. But I'm asking you 47 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:31,591 that once we have this Christmas with your dad-- 48 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,326 your great dad-- 49 00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:34,828 after Christmas Eve, can we leave that night? 50 00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:36,697 You know what? That is a good idea, 51 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,198 'cause I find that flights are cheaper that night. 52 00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:40,700 You know, this is what I think 53 00:01:40,733 --> 00:01:42,735 as I look at all these flights and stuff-- 54 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,871 we're getting way ahead of ourselves. 55 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:48,308 The romantic part of this, which is really being together 56 00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:50,343 and getting to know each other-- 57 00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:52,411 this just seems more-- I don't know, like-- 58 00:01:52,444 --> 00:01:56,215 it just exists as a fantasy, you know? 59 00:01:56,248 --> 00:01:59,852 I don't know. I think we should rethink our relationship. 60 00:01:59,885 --> 00:02:01,754 Sam? Sam? 61 00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:04,390 Yes? What do you think? 62 00:02:04,424 --> 00:02:05,692 Okay, there you are. 63 00:02:05,724 --> 00:02:06,859 God, sorry. I-- 64 00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:08,461 You totally cut out. 65 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:11,365 I didn't hear anything you just said. 66 00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:14,268 Oh, um... nothing. 67 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,735 Let's, um-- 68 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,337 Hey, same time tomorrow, right? 69 00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:19,206 Yeah. Okay. Have a good night. 70 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,274 Have a good night. Love you. 71 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,375 Bye. Love you. 72 00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:25,378 [Washed Out's "Feel It All Around" playing] 73 00:02:38,787 --> 00:02:40,639 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 74 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:44,431 Okay, you guys are still charging me 75 00:02:44,463 --> 00:02:46,667 for this international data plan, 76 00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:48,435 and it's been three months. 77 00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:50,304 Fine, well, then, email me the form. 78 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,271 And I would like to be reimbursed for these charges. 79 00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:53,473 Thank you. Bye. 80 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:54,875 Jesus. 81 00:02:54,907 --> 00:02:57,944 Seriously, my cell phone company is driving me crazy. 82 00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,347 They're just charging me for all this stuff. 83 00:03:00,379 --> 00:03:01,781 [sputters] Sorry. It's just-- 84 00:03:01,814 --> 00:03:03,417 it's stressing me out. 85 00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:06,719 What if I started my own cell phone company? Me. 86 00:03:06,752 --> 00:03:07,987 Can you do that? Like, you're-- 87 00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:09,388 You're not a corporation, 88 00:03:09,421 --> 00:03:11,525 and what about, like, coverage, 89 00:03:11,557 --> 00:03:13,526 and the technology and all that stuff? 90 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,929 What if I have ten customers, and that's it? 91 00:03:15,961 --> 00:03:18,298 - Ten phones. My friends. - Right. 92 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:20,299 Start a, you know, a plan for everybody, 93 00:03:20,332 --> 00:03:21,801 and that's it, and that's the beginnings 94 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,370 of a cell phone company. 95 00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:25,271 I like it. Fred's Cell Phone Company. 96 00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:26,840 Yeah. "Hi. How may I direct your call? 97 00:03:26,872 --> 00:03:29,675 This is the CEO." 98 00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,579 Good morning. As some of you already know, 99 00:03:32,611 --> 00:03:34,747 I'm starting my own cell phone company. 100 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,450 I've heard all of your complaints-- 101 00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:38,852 trouble texting, no coverage, 102 00:03:38,884 --> 00:03:40,586 it's too expensive. 103 00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,855 But here is where my company is gonna be different 104 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:43,856 from all the others. 105 00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:47,727 I will only have ten customers. 106 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,597 And those customers are you, 107 00:03:50,629 --> 00:03:51,998 my friends. 108 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,433 Those days of the old, 109 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,870 huge companies being faceless, 110 00:03:56,902 --> 00:03:59,406 just brick walls of information, 111 00:03:59,438 --> 00:04:00,507 that's done. 112 00:04:00,539 --> 00:04:01,608 That's over. 113 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,276 This is gonna be me and you. 114 00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:04,978 Now, I had these phones made. 115 00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:07,614 This is designed by me. 116 00:04:07,646 --> 00:04:09,816 Why don't you pass them all down here? 117 00:04:09,848 --> 00:04:11,550 So these are your phones. 118 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,854 Now, since it's just us, 119 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:16,723 your phone number is one digit. 120 00:04:16,755 --> 00:04:18,024 I'm not kidding. 121 00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:20,560 One, two, three, 122 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,629 four, five, six, 123 00:04:22,661 --> 00:04:24,531 seven, eight, nine, 124 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,800 and ten is right here. 125 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,068 That's so great, Fred. 126 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,769 I'm gonna call you right now. 127 00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:31,437 Ah, we're gonna do a phone call right now. 128 00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:32,506 - [phone buzzing] - I'm getting a call 129 00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:34,807 from number one-- Hello? 130 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,843 Oh, I think it's actually dead, my phone. 131 00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:39,979 All right, but the call went through, 132 00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:41,781 so I'm gonna charge you for the minute. 133 00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:43,082 What about coverage? 134 00:04:43,115 --> 00:04:45,418 Coverage. The white areas represent 135 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,987 what I do not cover yet. 136 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,456 We're up here 137 00:04:49,488 --> 00:04:52,391 in the Portland, Oregon area. 138 00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:55,062 Now, I'd like everyone to memorize something. 139 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,797 A, B, C-- 140 00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:59,098 Always Be Calling. 141 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,367 Always... ...be calling. 142 00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,737 Why? Because we can't text yet. 143 00:05:03,769 --> 00:05:04,805 Right. 144 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,808 [rock music] 145 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,509 146 00:05:09,541 --> 00:05:10,976 Thank you guys so much for coming today, 147 00:05:11,009 --> 00:05:14,046 and I'm very, very sorry for your loss. 148 00:05:14,079 --> 00:05:17,750 Yeah, well, we're, uh, sorry for your loss. 149 00:05:17,783 --> 00:05:19,086 Yes. 150 00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:20,554 - Our loss. - Mm-hmm. 151 00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:22,755 Because death touches everyone. Yes. 152 00:05:22,788 --> 00:05:26,459 Um, how can I be of service to you today? 153 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,961 Is this something the deceased wore a lot? 154 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,497 Kind of a favorite tee? 155 00:05:30,529 --> 00:05:31,931 - Nope. - Okay, so, this is something 156 00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:33,699 that the deceased will be buried in. 157 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,102 Not quite. 158 00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:36,603 It's a murder weapon. 159 00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:37,804 [softly] So he was strangled? 160 00:05:37,836 --> 00:05:39,038 There was a victim involved. 161 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,374 You know who the victim was? 162 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:41,375 - Who? - Men. 163 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,876 Men in general. 164 00:05:42,908 --> 00:05:46,579 I mean, everyone's just forgetting about men. 165 00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:48,115 Men need a funeral. 166 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:51,985 We don't usually inter abstract concepts. 167 00:05:52,017 --> 00:05:53,953 Masculinity is an abstract concept? 168 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,456 You're a man. You should be thinking about these things. 169 00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:57,858 Men are being forgotten. 170 00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,593 Why don't we get to the service itself? 171 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:01,694 Do you mind? What did you guys actually have planned? 172 00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:03,697 - Something strong. - Something male. 173 00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,932 - Something linear. - Composites of factories 174 00:06:05,964 --> 00:06:08,801 - on the wall-- schematics. - Analytics. 175 00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:10,870 - Blueprints of buildings. - Concrete. 176 00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,471 Some foods laid out. 177 00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:13,807 What kid of foods were you thinking? 178 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:15,941 - Meatballs. Dry meatballs. - Raw ball. 179 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:18,044 - No sauce. - Raw ball? 180 00:06:18,076 --> 00:06:19,980 Nothing flowery or frilly around it. 181 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:22,649 Just meatballs on plates. 182 00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,850 I am kind of curious. Just, all the kind of need 183 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,920 for order and precision-- what is that hiding? 184 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,622 What's behind that? 185 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,057 I don't think it's hiding-- I think it's-- 186 00:06:31,089 --> 00:06:32,658 'Cause you can't angle the gay away. 187 00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:33,759 You know what I mean? You can't-- 188 00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:34,995 It's not anti-gay. 189 00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:36,897 I think it's just very male. 190 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,465 I'm not saying you're anti-gay. 191 00:06:38,497 --> 00:06:41,033 I'm saying you... are gay. 192 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,537 - Ardor? - You are gay. 193 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,105 Ar-dor? 194 00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:47,106 Are gay. 195 00:06:47,139 --> 00:06:48,908 We're gay for being straight. 196 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,578 We will be singing "We Are the Champions." 197 00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:53,045 - Oh. - Any doors you have-- 198 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,549 make sure that they slam real hard... 199 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:56,582 Male sounds. 200 00:06:56,615 --> 00:06:58,050 Okay, okay. Male sounds. 201 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,920 - Male sounds. - I'm writing it. 202 00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:03,122 Maybe Thor's hammer somewhere in there. 203 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,490 - Mm-hmm. - Some lightning bolts. 204 00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:05,959 - Okay. - Pel?. 205 00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:08,061 You want him there, or images of him? 206 00:07:08,093 --> 00:07:10,463 I am lo-- It's so abstract at this point 207 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:11,730 that I can't really-- 208 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,600 A rendition of Pel? in motion. 209 00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:17,504 This is why we're here. We're paying you to do the service. 210 00:07:17,536 --> 00:07:20,507 I can acquire everything you guys are requesting. 211 00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,809 I'm just worried that we get it in the space, we look, 212 00:07:22,841 --> 00:07:24,944 - and we go, "No!" - Mm-hmm. 213 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,079 Is there any chance of focusing this? 214 00:07:27,112 --> 00:07:29,149 - Yes, sir, there is. - Okay. 215 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,783 You can get smaller versions 216 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,252 of all the things we were talking about 217 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,955 so that, you know, it doesn't take up as much space. 218 00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:36,790 Miniatures. 219 00:07:36,822 --> 00:07:37,823 Okay. 220 00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:41,127 [organ music] 221 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,563 Hm. 222 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:50,770 [soft instrumental music] 223 00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,740 You see what I mean? We're barely getting any tips. 224 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,976 - Yeah. - We have wonderful employees. 225 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,211 People seem to love our coffee. 226 00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:58,945 I agree. It's all about the tip jar. 227 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,346 - Tip jar? - Yeah. 228 00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,183 You're not familiar with the tip jar world? 229 00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:04,719 - No. - At J'Art Basel last year 230 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:07,054 Diego tipped the j'art world on its head. 231 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,889 A mysterious provocateur, 232 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:12,258 he got his start making DIY j'art in Mexico City. 233 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,195 Then, through a series of increasingly ambitious shows, 234 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,264 his influence went global. 235 00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:19,733 To truly understand his j'artistry, 236 00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:22,136 you have to experience his studio in person. 237 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,807 [dramatic music] 238 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,476 239 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:32,479 [flute music] 240 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:37,852 241 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:40,821 [creaking] 242 00:08:42,156 --> 00:08:44,992 [whispering voice] Diego. 243 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,360 [light bulb buzzing] 244 00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,963 Want to give us an update on the progress? 245 00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,364 I don't know what the progress is, 246 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,366 because I don't measure time like you do. 247 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:54,067 In Mexico City, 248 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,904 sometimes the sun rises, and we have no idea 249 00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,840 - what month it is. - Wow. 250 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,541 Mexico City's the place to be. 251 00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:04,878 Did you know that Xbox is in Mexico City now? 252 00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:07,348 I'm sorry. You guys are-- are making my-- 253 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,516 my tip jar? 254 00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:09,517 Let's see what we got here. 255 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,118 Um... 256 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,954 This is from a statue of the greatest Mexican major. 257 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,555 I cut off part of the statue. 258 00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:18,191 I hesitate to put something that's been stolen 259 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,493 into her coffee shop. 260 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:22,396 In Mexico City, we have lunch all day long. 261 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:23,564 That's not true. I've been there. 262 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,332 Every day is like a big, long lunch, 263 00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:27,267 and we wake up, and we say, "It's lunchtime." 264 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,869 And the family eats in one big table. 265 00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,805 I have been to Mexico City. You know that, right? 266 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,541 That's what we do, and then we go to bed eating lunch. 267 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:38,411 You see, in Mexico City, we do before we think. 268 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,948 You see that? That's a cow. 269 00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,049 This one, I was going through a phase. 270 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,419 It was to prevent tips from going in. 271 00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:47,120 This is a man making the pyramids. 272 00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,555 Before your pyramids. 273 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:49,924 It's the tongue. It's the leather tongue. 274 00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:51,424 - Blehh! - Okay, that's-- 275 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,360 This is from when this place was a factory. 276 00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:55,028 We've talked about this one before. 277 00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:57,297 - Yes? - I think it's sexist. 278 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,431 [kisses] 279 00:09:58,464 --> 00:09:59,934 My hands-- look. 280 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,602 Right now it's just making tip jars. 281 00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,570 I'm not even commanding it to do it. 282 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,372 I put down a deposit. 283 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:06,940 I don't want to talk about mon-- 284 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,309 I don't understand money. 285 00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:09,310 I'm like a child. 286 00:10:09,343 --> 00:10:10,544 You hand me a credit card, 287 00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,312 I throw it in the water 288 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,313 and step on it, 289 00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:14,615 and then I kick it around. 290 00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:17,017 But when I make art... 291 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,419 [metal dings] 292 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,853 ...it works. 293 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:22,356 [wheels squeaking] 294 00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,123 Okay, you're insured, right? 295 00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:25,425 Yes. I did get the insurance. 296 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:26,526 Okay. 297 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:29,530 [soft Mexican guitar music] 298 00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,232 299 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,134 That's... 300 00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:36,870 the same tip jar. 301 00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,572 That's the one that-- that we had. 302 00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:41,575 Thank you. 303 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:44,545 I just work with my hands and this is-- 304 00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:45,546 this is what I make. 305 00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:48,549 [upbeat music] 306 00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,250 307 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,318 Hi. I'm Fred from Fred's Cell Phone Company. 308 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:55,022 Hi, there. We've got a bill that's overdue. 309 00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,257 [forced laugh] Okay. 310 00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:59,292 Uh, but is there any amount you can pay today? 311 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,128 I'm sorry about that. Thank you. 312 00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:03,663 [ringtone chiming] 313 00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:05,632 Yes, that's been an issue with many people. 314 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,434 Um, I suggest you go to our website 315 00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,470 once it's up and running. 316 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,238 Okay, well, I'll have someone out there as soon as I can. 317 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:15,675 Okay. And thanks for sticking with Fred's Cell Phone Company. 318 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:18,646 [pleasant music] 319 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:19,647 320 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,114 [doorbell rings] 321 00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,682 Oh, hey, buddy. 322 00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:24,417 How you doing? I'm just checking in on your service. 323 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:26,420 - You happy with it? - Uh-- 324 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,454 Listen. I heard you were working on some gardening. 325 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:31,525 So I had this extra hose. You can have it. 326 00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:33,593 Are you listening to my conversations? 327 00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:35,496 Just for sound quality. Just for a little while. 328 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,630 None of the details. Just little things here and there. 329 00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,266 I won't do it forever. 330 00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,602 Uh, that would be nice. Thank you. 331 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:44,437 Yeah. By the way, your mom is insane. 332 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:45,438 She's crazy. 333 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,507 334 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,276 Hey, Fred. Thanks for coming all the way out here. 335 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,647 Hey, listen. You're gonna get a charge of $3,000 on your bill. 336 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,649 Go ahead and pay it. It's not on you. 337 00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:57,685 I'm gonna get you back on the next bills right after. 338 00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,053 Okay? I'm sorry about that. 339 00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:00,921 - Okay. - High-tech! 340 00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,524 341 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,192 - Carrie! Carrie! - Fred? 342 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,393 There you are. 343 00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:08,394 Oh, I missed you at the coffee shop. 344 00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,662 Sorry about that. 345 00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:11,197 Wait, how'd you even know I was here? 346 00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,732 Listen. I have some text messages for you. 347 00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,969 These did not go through. They went to my computer. 348 00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:16,469 "Carrie, Paul's surprise party's moved to Oaks Park Roller Rink. 349 00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,037 Be there by 6:00." 350 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,105 Wait, you've been reading the text messages? 351 00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:20,707 Hey, this is customer service. 352 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,977 - Is it? - Yeah. Hand to hand. 353 00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,577 How's it going? You seem so harried. 354 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:26,112 It's pretty crazy. It's like being a waiter, 355 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,982 but the tables are, like, all over town. 356 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,116 I think you should get an assistant. 357 00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:30,683 Uh, that's not gonna happen. 358 00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,419 Also, you've got a bill. You're over your minutes. 359 00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:34,320 - Wait. What? - See you later! 360 00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:36,690 - Fred! - Fred, my phone's not working. 361 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:37,992 Yeah. I'm gonna put you on hold. 362 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,259 Your input is very important to us. 363 00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,594 What do you mean, put me on hold? 364 00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,096 I'm standing right in front of you. 365 00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,397 Fred, don't you-- don't. Fred! 366 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,565 - Hey. Sorry about that. - Fred! 367 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:47,100 [laughing] You show up there 368 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,201 at 1:00 in the morning? 369 00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:49,769 Please. No way. 370 00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:52,672 Hey, you owe me 28 bucks on your last bill. 371 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:55,075 I sent you your bill, right? 372 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,744 Oh, you're just at 60. That's easy. 373 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,613 Uh, yeah, 60 plus late fee from last week. 374 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,549 I love you, Marlena, but, uh, you owe me money. 375 00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:05,485 Don't blame me, right? Blame the boss. 376 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:06,719 - [laughing] - I'm Pat Boyle, 377 00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:08,122 and this is "Pat Down." 378 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:09,289 Feel the heat? 379 00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:10,490 380 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,258 Hey. I'm Pat Boyle. 381 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,261 How does it feel not to pay taxes for five years? 382 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,196 - Hey. - Hey. 383 00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:19,700 - How's it going? - Uh, great. 384 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,402 I have a question. I'm having some problems with my phone. 385 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:23,771 Oh, I'm not doing that today. 386 00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,672 It's my day off. Enough. 387 00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:27,240 Fred, you're a communications company. 388 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:28,708 You just can't, like, not work. 389 00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:30,644 I'll deal with it on Monday. Not today. 390 00:13:30,676 --> 00:13:33,079 You know, might I suggest putting up a "closed" sign 391 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,382 - if you're not working? - I'll do that. 392 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:38,318 Ugh. Okay. Can you clean up? 393 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,653 [knocking at door] 394 00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:42,455 Carrie, door! 395 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,824 [knocking at door] 396 00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,192 Ugh. 397 00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:48,361 [knocking] 398 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,697 Do you know how angry I am? 399 00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:52,365 You promised us good service. 400 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:53,666 I've been waiting on a phone call 401 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,801 from the hospital for test results, 402 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,703 and I can't get a signal. 403 00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:58,738 - What the hell's wrong with you? - Well, where were you waiting? 404 00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:01,108 I was in my house, waiting for a phone call. 405 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,709 - I can't get anything. - Fred! 406 00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:05,378 Come on. 130 bucks? 407 00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:06,680 That's twice what I usually pay. 408 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:09,616 You charged me for a cell phone tower. 409 00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:11,150 I'm closed. 410 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,653 [all speaking at once] 411 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:13,853 - Carrie? - I'm here too, 412 00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,421 because you promised me Internet access. 413 00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:16,623 I mean, come on! 414 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:17,657 I am unavailable. I am closed. 415 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,225 - No, you can't! - What? 416 00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,094 - Fred, you owe us! - [all shouting at once] 417 00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:24,131 [shouting continues] 418 00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:32,139 Lance! Lance! 419 00:14:32,173 --> 00:14:33,841 - Lance? - Yeah. 420 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,710 - What are you doing? - Adjusting the carburetor. 421 00:14:35,743 --> 00:14:37,712 - I got you something. - What is it? 422 00:14:37,745 --> 00:14:39,947 I planned it for a little while. 423 00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,649 You should check it out. 424 00:14:41,682 --> 00:14:42,950 All right. 425 00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:44,951 Keep them closed. 426 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,788 Stand right here. 427 00:14:46,821 --> 00:14:48,055 And open 'em! 428 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:51,192 - What? - It's a massage chair! 429 00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:52,826 Why did you get this? 430 00:14:52,860 --> 00:14:54,762 It's for you, Lance. You could relax. 431 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,463 You don't have to be in the garage the whole day. 432 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,931 You can come in here and hang out with me. 433 00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,834 I don't need to relax, and I like being in the garage. 434 00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,935 No. This is good for you. Look at it. It's so you. 435 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,671 - Is it? - Like, your-- your face. 436 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,472 Those are your feet, and that's your body, 437 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,040 and your brown hair. 438 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,209 Why are we just looking at it? Go sit. 439 00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:11,212 [whirring] 440 00:15:11,245 --> 00:15:12,879 - Here we go. - Whoa. 441 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,548 This is the dream wave massage. 442 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:15,850 Not bad. 443 00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:17,218 It's locating your shiatsu points. 444 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,819 [farting] 445 00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:20,887 What's that air sound? Is that you? 446 00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,557 - It's good. - Let me just press 447 00:15:22,590 --> 00:15:23,557 this one here. 448 00:15:23,591 --> 00:15:25,058 [beeps] 449 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,494 [whirring] 450 00:15:26,527 --> 00:15:27,662 [clamp clicks] 451 00:15:27,695 --> 00:15:29,230 I just pressed something there. 452 00:15:29,263 --> 00:15:31,865 Whoa. Nina, what happened? 453 00:15:31,899 --> 00:15:34,067 Do you like it? You're so relaxed. 454 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,470 - Can you hear me? - Bet you don't want 455 00:15:35,503 --> 00:15:37,171 to go back to the garage now. 456 00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,105 I don't think I can move. 457 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,108 You're so happy. 458 00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,909 What's happening? 459 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,578 Nina! 460 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,546 All right, I'm going to bed. Are you coming? 461 00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:47,915 I can't move, Nina. 462 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,750 [sighs] You're still relaxing, huh? 463 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,719 I'm gonna go to bed. 464 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:54,120 Please don't go to bed. Don't leave me down here. 465 00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:57,024 Somebody likes his new chair! 466 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,127 Nina, don't turn out the lights. 467 00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,934 Good morning! 468 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,269 Who's a relaxed sleepyhead? 469 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,239 Do you want some eggs and bacon? 470 00:16:11,272 --> 00:16:12,907 I guess. 471 00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:15,710 Want me to feed you? Is that what it is? 472 00:16:15,743 --> 00:16:18,179 Do you like my nightwear? 473 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,014 Is this my life now? 474 00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:23,050 How come you're not saying anything? 475 00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:24,251 Meow! 476 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,588 I'll never get out of here. 477 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,224 _ 478 00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:37,163 [together] happy birthday to you 479 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,667 I got him this chair, and he just loves it. 480 00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:41,168 I guess we'll just, um, 481 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:44,205 go and cut up some cake for you if you want some. 482 00:16:44,238 --> 00:16:47,575 What's the point? I just want to die. 483 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,075 _ 484 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,711 You know, Lance, I wish you could've 485 00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:52,079 taken a break from relaxing 486 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,647 to just be there for me. 487 00:16:53,681 --> 00:16:55,783 The hospital is one block away. 488 00:16:55,816 --> 00:16:59,320 But you love relaxing in that chair so much 489 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,021 you just couldn't break away. 490 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,924 Well, you're gonna have to choose, Lance. 491 00:17:03,958 --> 00:17:06,326 It's either that chair 492 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,795 or me and the baby. 493 00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:11,065 Baby? 494 00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:12,966 When did that happen? 495 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,969 We're leaving. 496 00:17:15,001 --> 00:17:17,605 Don't go, Nina. 497 00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,639 Here we go. Time to die. 498 00:17:19,673 --> 00:17:21,275 Bring it on, baby. 499 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:22,576 Baby? 500 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:25,245 Oh, man, Roy Orbison, Jr. 501 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,213 I'm not gonna see that little squirt grow up, 502 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,616 take his first steps, 503 00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:31,686 crash his first motorbike. 504 00:17:31,719 --> 00:17:34,721 I'm just going to die here. 505 00:17:34,755 --> 00:17:36,257 Time to die. 506 00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,791 [gasps] 507 00:17:37,825 --> 00:17:39,125 Lance? 508 00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:41,362 I'm not giving up on you that easy. 509 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:45,098 I love you, and I'll fight this chair for you. 510 00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,268 I bought you as a present, 511 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,769 brought you into my house, 512 00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:51,672 and you took him, didn't you? 513 00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:52,772 Let go! 514 00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:54,141 Stupid chair! 515 00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,375 Let go of him! 516 00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:58,379 [grunting] 517 00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:00,615 [dramatic music] 518 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:01,715 Break! 519 00:18:01,749 --> 00:18:02,983 [grunting] 520 00:18:03,017 --> 00:18:03,985 Let go! 521 00:18:04,018 --> 00:18:06,687 [gasping] Water! 522 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:09,624 Lance, you came back to me. 523 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:15,863 - Hi. - Hi. How are you? 524 00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,230 Good. If you have any questions about anything, 525 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,632 you could just ask. 526 00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:19,866 Is that a massage chair? 527 00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:21,802 - Yeah. - Mind if I try it out? 528 00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:23,203 - Sure. - Damn. 529 00:18:23,237 --> 00:18:25,640 This is better than going to a chiropractor. 530 00:18:25,673 --> 00:18:26,974 Yeah. It's top quality. 531 00:18:28,442 --> 00:18:30,945 [laughs] It's a business. 532 00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:32,346 You know, that's what people don't understand, 533 00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:33,982 that it's a start-up, 534 00:18:34,014 --> 00:18:35,749 and that's what business is. 535 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,584 They just don't know how business works, 536 00:18:37,618 --> 00:18:41,022 and they're just jealous of entrepreneurs. 537 00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:44,424 That's what I think, you know? 538 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,393 They-- A business has to grow. 539 00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:48,929 It has to get bigger. 540 00:18:48,963 --> 00:18:50,431 And I'm doing what anyone would do. 541 00:18:50,464 --> 00:18:52,734 I don't even make that much money. 542 00:18:52,766 --> 00:18:55,269 I'm part of the technology world, 543 00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,604 and this is what it looks like. 544 00:18:57,638 --> 00:18:59,441 Yeah, I don't know, man. 545 00:19:01,175 --> 00:19:03,378 Oh! It's Pat Boyle. 546 00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:05,513 You ever see "The Pat Down"? 547 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:06,847 She is brutal. 548 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,516 What are the odds? I should video this. 549 00:19:09,550 --> 00:19:10,717 Yeah. 550 00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:12,620 Can't. 551 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,255 You should write that down as a memo 552 00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,290 that we should probably get video capabilities 553 00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:19,226 so it's instant instead of having to access its-- 554 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,761 Oh, she got Chico! 555 00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:26,534 Is she coming... towards me? 556 00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:27,534 It looks like it. 557 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,337 No! [stammering] 558 00:19:30,371 --> 00:19:34,141 Should we shred some of this? I-- Oh, wow. 559 00:19:35,610 --> 00:19:37,245 What? Where is she? 560 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,278 - Fred. - Hey! 561 00:19:38,312 --> 00:19:39,546 Do you run this company? 562 00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:41,616 Uh, somewhat. 563 00:19:41,649 --> 00:19:44,218 Did you tell this man who needed to contact his doctor 564 00:19:44,252 --> 00:19:47,422 in an emergency, "I'll get to you"? 565 00:19:47,455 --> 00:19:50,625 Hey, um, can we talk about this in private? 566 00:19:50,658 --> 00:19:52,827 I'm a huge fan of your show. I watch it all the time. 567 00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:54,329 I'm gonna make you a deal. 568 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,830 You give this poor man his money back, 569 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,865 and then you're gonna pay all his hospital bills. 570 00:19:57,899 --> 00:19:59,601 Because of your phone company, 571 00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:02,803 this man owes the hospital $300,000. 572 00:20:02,836 --> 00:20:04,905 Well, I hope you go to the hospital 573 00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,774 and we talk to them about those bills. 574 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:09,843 That is out of line, and I support you. 575 00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:11,546 Your company profited, Fred. 576 00:20:11,579 --> 00:20:14,515 All I can say is... Will you please edit this 577 00:20:14,548 --> 00:20:16,183 in a nice way? 578 00:20:16,217 --> 00:20:18,852 'Cause I'm just a guy. I'm not a business. 579 00:20:18,886 --> 00:20:20,755 Like, I'm not, like, a corporation. I'm just, like-- 580 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:23,190 You make me sick. 581 00:20:25,226 --> 00:20:26,393 I think she's talking to you. 582 00:20:26,427 --> 00:20:27,928 No. It was for you, Fred. 583 00:20:27,961 --> 00:20:29,530 Zoom in on his face. 584 00:20:29,563 --> 00:20:30,832 [dramatic music] 585 00:20:30,864 --> 00:20:32,633 Fred, can you tilt your head up a little? 586 00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:34,468 587 00:20:34,502 --> 00:20:36,871 Thank you. 588 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,739 So how's the business going? 589 00:20:38,773 --> 00:20:39,908 Oh, I didn't tell you. 590 00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:41,608 I got bought out. 591 00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:43,811 - By who? - US Wireless. 592 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,246 They wanted, like, some kind of a boutique company, 593 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,917 so they just bought it, and I'm done. 594 00:20:48,949 --> 00:20:50,919 I'm, like-- They took the name and everything. 595 00:20:50,951 --> 00:20:52,819 Should I be filing, like, a class-action lawsuit 596 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:54,221 against you? 597 00:20:54,255 --> 00:20:57,225 - No. You would sue them. - Oh. 598 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,625 Yeah, 'cause they're the parent company. 599 00:20:58,659 --> 00:21:00,395 - Okay. - So please, do it. 600 00:21:00,428 --> 00:21:01,563 Knock yourself out. 601 00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:03,698 Great. 602 00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:06,700 [zany music] 603 00:21:06,734 --> 00:21:10,538 604 00:21:10,571 --> 00:21:12,907 In Mexico City, we have all the shampoos. 605 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,575 Johnson and Johnson. 606 00:21:14,609 --> 00:21:16,811 We have Purell, Kiehl's. 607 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,246 We have that too. 608 00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:19,948 In Mexico City, we really have it. 609 00:21:19,980 --> 00:21:22,217 You look down the aisle, it's all Johnson and Johnson-- 610 00:21:22,249 --> 00:21:24,218 - Okay. Well-- - Or it could be Purell. 611 00:21:24,865 --> 00:21:28,289 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 612 00:21:28,339 --> 00:21:32,889 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0